Santos' Squawkbox: September 2004

Get at me. Voice your thoughts on this thread. Hit me up with comments.

The #3 #5 Paul Santos On Earth

It's about time. So many years of my youth were cast in obscurity, living with my step-dad in little old Spencer. Well, no more. Paul Santos is ranked as the third fifth most popular Paul Santos on earth, as listed by Google. For all those non-believers who said that I'd never get anywhere, humm deez.

What You Don't Know About Paul Santos CAN Hurt You

I've noticed a lot of misconceptions about my character and my history, especially as we begin these final, mudslinging weeks prior to the Presidential Elections in the United States. Many of these misconceptions can lead to not only injured feelings, but also injured limbs, so allow me to take a moment to "clear the air", if you will:

Myth #1: Paul Santos is a Libertarian
False. Paul Santos is a LIBRARIAN. Big difference. When I'm not partying at DTD, I'm either not studying, or working at Evansdale Library in the Circulation Department. My position as a librarian in no way affects my political standing.

Myth #2: If you take the letters that make up the name "Paul Santos", you can spell "Nap Ass Lout"
True. There are thousands of anagrams that can be gleaned from my name.

Myth #3: Paul Santos always plays the Norse because Norsemen gain favor the fastest
False. False. False. I am sick and tired of people looking for excuses as to why I waxed their asses in the AoM tournament. For the last time, Norsemen probably gain favor the SLOWEST of all cultures. Norse have to fight or hunt to gain favor! It's true that Hersirs gain favor very slowly by just being on the map. However, if you are only using myth units, they gain no favor at all for fighting. Get off deez nutz.

Myth #4: Paul Santos is a tool of the Democratic Party
Not quite False, and not entirely True. I wouldn't describe myself so much as "a tool," but as a simple machine. Like a lever, inclined plane, wheel, screw, wedge, or pulley. If you still don't get it, take this quiz. Paul Santos has also been known to support causes "owned" by the Republican party, and will be extremely vocal about his stance. Patriotism is his most proud cause, and Paul Santos seeks to enlighten members of all parties (including the Republicans) of the merits of true Patriotism.

The Spanish Prisoner (1998)

Mystery. Intrigue. Young secretaries. Government agencies. No, I'm not talking about the latest scandal in the White House, I'm talking about the film "The Spanish Prisoner," starring many people that you've never heard of, save for a very serious Steve Martin ("The Jerk," "The Jerk," and "The Jerk", to name but a few of his classics). Written and directed with Hitchcockian flair by David Mamet ("Heist", "State and Main", and most recently, "Spartan" with Val Kilmer), The Spanish Prisoner tells the story of a brilliant economist who has created "The Process," a mathematical equation that will guarantee his company vast sums of money. Things start to take a turn for the worse when he's caught in a web of intrigue, where nothing seems to be what it appears. It's an entertaining movie if you enjoy a good thrill, and if you're content with not knowing the full story until the credits roll.

The lead actor is actually bland enough to be believable in his role as the economist, and Steve Martin's mysterious character lights up the story. Mamet's direction recalls the subtle hand of Hitchcock, eliciting moments from "North by Northwest," or "Strangers on a Train." The plot did hinge on one too many coincidences and too-fortunate turn of events, but as a study in crafting a false world that seems all too real, it's a masterful stroke. For those who are looking for a more concrete, yet still exciting story of subterfuge and danger, rent Mamet's "The Heist," starring Gene Hackman and Ricky Jay.

4 out of 5 Hersirs

Friday Night Fever

As my loyal readers know, Paul Santos will be spending 10 days visiting and paying homage to the US's most valuable allies in freedom: France and Germany. I just came across this incredible event that takes place in Paris every Friday night (except when the streets are wet) at 10pm: Paris Roller. 15,000 people flaunt skates and speed through closed-off boulevards for 3 amazing hours. You'd better believe that Paul Santos and his lady will be there. I'd like to say that we'll be skating on Friday the 5th, but jet lag may prevent us from operating at full strength. If not the 5th, then Friday, November 12th, find us at Montparnasse train station, with skates, at 10pm. If anyone wants to meet up holla back.

What You Need to Know About Paul Santos

Politics
Paul Santos is a patriot, first and foremost. He loves this country, and envisions a future without Bush. Paul Santos dreams of a regime change in Washington, and looks forward to the day when the great Warrior John Kerry sits in our Oval Office. At his side will be the handsome and dashing John Edwards, fighting for our freedom, liberty, and pursuit of happiness. Just like the French.

Religion
Like John Kerry, Paul Santos is a Catholic. He believes that we all share this earth during our life, and after death, we share the same heaven. Allah is God, and God is Allah. We worship the same God, and call Him by different names.

Sports
Kobe Bryant didn't do it. OJ did. And Dick Butkus has the greatest name ever.

Rounders (1998)

Despite the fact that this movie will undoubtedly encourage countless bad poker players to move to Las Vegas for "the big win," I enjoyed it from front to back. Part of my fascination with this film is its suggestion that there are countless underground high-stakes poker games in and around NYC at any given time. It's not surprising, but it does reveal how much of Gotham City is invisible to straight edgers like myself. The bad influence of Ed Norton (in one of his more DeNiro-esque efforts) upon Matt Damon's "leave it all behind" character is fun to watch, though a bit predictable. The real gems in this movie, though, are the supporting actors of John Turturro (as Joey Knish) and John Malkovich, with an over-the-top performance as the Russian gambling kingpin "KGB."

4 out of 5 Hersirs

BATMAN

Protester Dressed As Batman Scales Buckingham Palace

This man is a genius.

He lives in a lair.

Eurotrip

Well, won't be as fun as that movie but hopefully it'll be all it's cracked up to be. First up is Gay Paris, then to Berlin, the East side (eastsidaz in tha hizzouse!), where my potna-n-crime runs a dope-ass club 8mm. Peep the site, it's ill. Anywho, taking off on November 5, thru the 15th. The trip will be blogged, in the proud tradition established by the singular MENTZER.

Speaking of which...Big shouts out to MENTZER, runnin thangs over at his dope blog, don't front! Going to meet up with THE MAN, aka GP2, and hopefully get some AoM in at a hotspot. Speaking of which, Paris has a million wi-fi spots. Their plan is to post antennae outside Metro stations and get blanket coverage. Y'all know what that means...rockin the EGYPTIAN/GREEK/NORSE steez ANYTIME AND ANYWHERE. hot ta def!

All for now, keep up the comments! OMAR, i have NO IDEA what you're talking about, but your comment was HILARIOUS! keep them coming!

New AoM Scenarios Design Contest

Check it out, Heroes of Mythica. We got three months to design the sweetest scenario of all time. Are y'all wit me?! LOne_Prodigy and Macednian234 I know you're down with this. I'm picturing a blend of the Egyptian Nile (think desert and narrow strip of water) with a plateau of grass for Hillforts, etc. You see what I'm sayin? Word. Audi 5000. Holla holla.

Take off, eh?!

Funny that I should call my first entry "Take off, eh?!" but indeed it is appropriate. One of my online gaming buddies is off on a trip to the Land of John Kerry (France, for all those who are Playa Hatin on Bush), but first he making the rounds in the Island of Leprechauns (when are they going to make a Irish add-on for AoM?!), visiting family and beer factories.

Apparently he's got some connections, because he sent me this awesome picture that I call "Hangin' with Mr. Galway", and they must have really hit it off because James let Mike hold his FLUTE.



Anywho, looks like my man is having a good time. Meanwhile back at the ranch, starting up classes at WVU ain't the flavor, potna! The good side of it is that my network connection is about 10 times faster, bad side is that I spend less time gaming, the good side is more time partying at DK since rush is on, and that means free beer. it's not guiness but it's free. Nat lite. Whatever, i'm ending this post. Lata.